How to get rich:
1. Invent time machine
2. Offer to send people back in time to see concerts for money
The ’50s were fucked up man.
*tries this at next house party*
the fbi will never catch me
How to spot a pharmacy student
when questions contains the answers to a different problem on a test
BLACK = I would date you.
GREEN = I think you’re cute.
BLUE = You are my tumblr crush.
GREY = I wish you would notice me.
PURPLE = I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.
TEAL = We have a lot in common.
YELLOW = I don’t know you at all.
ORANGE = I don’t like your blog.
BROWN = I don’t like you.
PINK = I think you are unattractive.
RED = I hate you with a burning passion.
WHITE = You scare me.
RAINBOW = BED PLZ.
There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.
I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele
person: so what music are you into?
me: are you sure you're ready for this conversation
someone’s building an actual Krusty Krab less than 6 miles from where i live
no really, it’s in construction
it’s coming along nicely
they put up the flags